As honest as honest does

As another year draws to a close,

I've come to the realisation that I feel older now.. much more than that can be explained by mere age alone.

It's probably the fact that as we grow older, we tend to be less honest with ourselves, with the world around us.


e.g.

I'm lazy yet I push myself to work.. that's a struggle in itself
I'm trying to hold my tongue when my first urge would be to just blurt it out
I wrestle with my conscience to do the right thing
I struggle with my impatience when things just won't proceed as planned
I curb my inherent pushiness in an effort to get along

Every action is deliberate, each one of them an effort in itself.
I'm tired...

Common denominator seems to be "I".
but then it IS all about me.
AND it doesn't have to make sense.