failed marketing segmentation & positioning??

(at a wedding dinner)

B: Hey, how come you're here alone? Where's your gf?
Me: You're also here alone.. Where's your gf? Which one are you referring to?
B: The last one I saw? The 18yo.
Me: 18yo? Are you sure you have the right person?
B: Yea.. you brought her during CNY what.
Me: How long ago was this?
B: Last year or the year before.. Neh.. the short short cute cute one?
Me: That should be W. She's not 18.... She's older than us.
B: Sure or not? The short and cute one wor..
Me: Should be her. And it wasn't CNY, it was your niece's full moon.
B: Oh yeah.. But she looks no more than 21.
Me: ......

(at a local pub)

J: Hey do you remember my cousin, the one that you and K were asking if she's legal yet? She thinks you're cute.
Me: Oh?
J: Yeala, she texted me after the dinner last week and said "Oh it was a great dinner and all that" and then she said "The guy who looks like SL ah yee's ex is cute" to which I said," The one who looks like a gorilla?"
"If you wanna call him that, yea"
"But he's 10 years older than you"
"I'm just saying he's cute"
J: So yea! She just turned 18 last week. So how? Can ar?
Me: ... She's 18! And I'm 12 years older..
J: You're 30 this year?
Me: Yes...

(cue peals of laughter)

*wail*