You'd think that it's obvious by now..

I AM an idiot

History

There are certain lessons to be learnt from history.
How wars are lost
How wars are won

Why a civilization fell,
how doing something right can be the best thing you ever did

If you can't learn from the past then you're doomed to forever repeat your mistakes.
How I will never lend a certain someone money because they start coming up with all sort of excuses how they can't pay you
How I will never expect anything from certain people because those expectations would be unreasonable and unattainable by their standards
How I will not draw/imagine patterns where there are none.

Those are the lessons you learn amongst others.
So who says history isn't important?
;)

As honest as honest does

As another year draws to a close,

I've come to the realisation that I feel older now.. much more than that can be explained by mere age alone.

It's probably the fact that as we grow older, we tend to be less honest with ourselves, with the world around us.


e.g.

I'm lazy yet I push myself to work.. that's a struggle in itself
I'm trying to hold my tongue when my first urge would be to just blurt it out
I wrestle with my conscience to do the right thing
I struggle with my impatience when things just won't proceed as planned
I curb my inherent pushiness in an effort to get along

Every action is deliberate, each one of them an effort in itself.
I'm tired...

Common denominator seems to be "I".
but then it IS all about me.
AND it doesn't have to make sense.

dumdum

sometimes I find it odd that me, the self-professed atheist is prone to mouthing off

"just gotta have faith."
faith in what you ask.
faith in the unknown.

Does that unknown include god?

nope it doesn't.

to which you'll probably say
you're an idiot

the line.

when the lines becomes blurred, take a step back to re-establish the line.
No good can ever come from a blurred line.

crap.. typical utter drivel

When the burden of guilt overwhelms, the silent wall beckons.

You can scream at it, beat on it with your fists or throw things at it and it won't care. It will endure any and all punishment stoically with nary a peep. If you lean on the wall and weep, there will be no warm embrace to comfort you. Merely a cold hard surface that's unflinching and unyielding.

If you talk to it and listen intently, you'll hear yourself for who you really are. For the words comes back to you and when you listen to it, you'll find that what you thought made perfect sense in your head doesn't make so much sense when said out loud.

This is my silent wall. Thanks for being there.

blah

whatever la...
really.

Moment of clarity..

I realised..
that somethings are just not meant to be..
strive as we might,
try as we will,

it just will not happen