ah

ok

As honest as honest does

As another year draws to a close,

I've come to the realisation that I feel older now.. much more than that can be explained by mere age alone.

It's probably the fact that as we grow older, we tend to be less honest with ourselves, with the world around us.


e.g.

I'm lazy yet I push myself to work.. that's a struggle in itself
I'm trying to hold my tongue when my first urge would be to just blurt it out
I wrestle with my conscience to do the right thing
I struggle with my impatience when things just won't proceed as planned
I curb my inherent pushiness in an effort to get along

Every action is deliberate, each one of them an effort in itself.
I'm tired...

Common denominator seems to be "I".
but then it IS all about me.
AND it doesn't have to make sense.

gah

i need a new word
frustration isn't quite cutting the mustard.

I think I tore almost everyone on both sides a new one because they were all so fucking lax.
I hate, ABSOLUTELY HATE a lack of intensity. People who do things half assed can go kill themselves in some jungle somewhere.

and please
not everything is about you. I function without you, you realise.
geez.

random

has anyone ever wondered why settling and settling down uses the same root word?

today

i am happy.

Even if this happiness is transient in nature, I'm satisfied.

therefore,
I am happy.

dumdum

sometimes I find it odd that me, the self-professed atheist is prone to mouthing off

"just gotta have faith."
faith in what you ask.
faith in the unknown.

Does that unknown include god?

nope it doesn't.

to which you'll probably say
you're an idiot

the line.

when the lines becomes blurred, take a step back to re-establish the line.
No good can ever come from a blurred line.

crap.. typical utter drivel

When the burden of guilt overwhelms, the silent wall beckons.

You can scream at it, beat on it with your fists or throw things at it and it won't care. It will endure any and all punishment stoically with nary a peep. If you lean on the wall and weep, there will be no warm embrace to comfort you. Merely a cold hard surface that's unflinching and unyielding.

If you talk to it and listen intently, you'll hear yourself for who you really are. For the words comes back to you and when you listen to it, you'll find that what you thought made perfect sense in your head doesn't make so much sense when said out loud.

This is my silent wall. Thanks for being there.

no woman no pride..

I think I'm envious with just about every songwriter, poet out there.
Those people who can string words up together and make you feel different things.
I want that kind of power!!!

plus reading minds, flying, invincibility, ermm.. yea.. sorry digression

but I want to y'know have the power to move.
but all I have is the power to annoy.

I guess that's a kind of movement.

blah

whatever la...
really.

of undergarments..

Someone on my msn list had this listed as her private msg.

"A good man is like a wonderbra."

That got me thinking, what kind of undergarment would I be?
By my own estimation, I should be either a trainer or one of those full cup flesh coloured ones.

Nothing fancy, gets the job done, comfortable, anonymous.. ;)

Yeap... that'd be the kind that I would be.

Love

Much is said about this often discussed, debated, and/or written about subject. There’s been countless thesis, dissertations written about how it may or may not come about.

Today I’ll talk about the chemistry variant. How all that we feel is just a series of chemical reactions in our heads when thrust into any situation. It’s all just a matter of chemistry and possibilities and conditioning. Beauty is subjective and differs from culture to culture. That can be attributed to conditioning.

Isn’t it frightening to think that all that we are, who we are and how we relate to the things around us is based purely on something not very well understood and seemingly a little chance-y.

That without such a thing called love and to a greater extent emotions, we become mere automatons and that would actually just kill us off as a species. We’d not love, we’d not nurture and definitely have no urge/need to sacrifice ourselves for the sake of another being.

We’d become less than what we are. And sometimes it scares me to see us as a race go down that road. You get a lot of scare-mongering e-mails about how dangerous everything is. Eventually we’ll just close off the world and focus on ourselves to the extreme extent that we actually just no longer interact with the outside world. Certainly the internet helps that.

I don’t know what I am trying to say here.

Just that I never want to be a soulless automaton living without hopes, fears, expectations or dreams.

Technorati Tags: random

New client

Technorati Tags: technology

I’m now testing the Windows Live Writer.

So far so good.. I detest logging into post. I like my clients. So far I use Semagic which is primarily for Livejournal but can be used for others as well. I’ve tried a few other client which were quite frankly a little annoying to use to the point that I’ve stopped trying new ones.

This one comes with a spell checker not that I’m too fussed about that.

All in all, quite usable.

gone baby gone

gone

A preference..

I have always stated that I like my dealings to be either black or white.
But given the nature of my business and on a personal level, I seem to gravitate towards the grey. Subconscious or rebelling against the id?

I don't know.

Goblok

random

If someone calls you and doesn't say anything..
think nothing of it.

It could just be a psycho calling you to hear how you sound like.

*end of public announcement*

Would Ben be happy? =)

Originally, this account was started so that I could comment on people's journal with my name on it.
Then Ben co-opted it to show my the error of my ways by replicating my livejournal postings here. He soon got tired of it since he doesn't post that often himself. Lol.

Now I've gotten back to posting here just to spread it out a bit. Don't ask me why..

'aje la..'

I miss Ben sometimes.. He's very busy these days.. =) So I leave him space. He's done the whole RoM thing with Stella already so congrats to them.

Wonder when the whole pitter patter thing will happen with them.. ahahaha. We shall see... =)

Keeping it together

Tomorrow is a public holiday for most.

For me, it’s just another workday.

Over the weekend, I’ve had a fair bit of food. But at the same time, also a fair bit of instant noodles.

mmm... instant noodles.... It’s like a pre-req for all overseas asian students to have in their room/apartment a box of instant noodles ready to go. We can’t live without it. It’s quick, relatively palatable and most importantly, CHEAP! Yes most of us poor students live on rather tight budgets and when some months are harder to get by, we just eat instant noodles and stay home. And it isn’t always all that bad. You can work your creative juices and try to come up with different variants by adding extras or cooking it an entirely different way. I know how to make maggi goreng which would rock anyone’s world. so there.

Yeap.. those were the days.

Hitch

Quote

"You know what it's like getting up every morning? Feeling hopeless, feeling like the love of your life is waking up with the wrong man. But, at the same time hoping that she still finds happiness, even if it's never going to be with you. "

A tale of the monkey and the ox

it didn't happen.