taking the procedure @ Lacuna Inc.

Sometimes during the ebb, I imagine myself as the character, Joel Barish and I'd go visit Lacuna Inc. and be done with the memories and the person

But that'd be cowardly and I want to be anything but.
Nothing's changed. My feelings haven't changed.

But sometimes, just sometimes,
I just want to take that procedure and be over it and never meet her again.

But like most of my thoughts, it's merely a flight of fancy

seriously..

Do things because you think it's the right one to do for you.

Don't do it because you think it's the right thing to do for me.

I and I alone decide what is right by me.

running on empty..

It's funny how emotional extremes gives you an alternative source of energy.
I went to bed at 4.
fell asleep at 4.30.
woke up every roughly half an hour.
then probably managed to sleep for a time period longer than half an hour at 7..

THEN the alarm rings at 9.30.
And here I am at 9.35. Not feeling sleepy at all.
And it's fucking raining..
There goes my sunday plans.

Abso-fucking-lutely perfect.

You'd think that it's obvious by now..

I AM an idiot

This monday I like

A good start to the week..
still tongue-tied
but very happy nonetheless =)
I can't believe that I still can't stop smiling like some sort of retarded monkey.

but i shouldn't delay the inevitable..
enough people have heard me moan and gripe about it.

for a person who says carpe diem, I don't do it nearly often enough.
I guess it's always easier to say what you'd like to do instead of doing what you ought to do.
But I'm still working up the courage

bleh

on the radio sometime this week

I was driving to work one morning and I heard this on the radio

"This XXX radio station and we're inviting you to tell us what is the worst love songs that you have ever dedicated or been dedicated. We just heard "Hate that I love you" by Rihanna featuring Ne-yo. We just had a caller calling telling us that she cried when she heard that song as she'd just broken up with her bf recently and it really speaks to her. We're sorry to hear about the break-up, XXX, and we hope you'll feel better soon."

"Coming up next, Pink with "Please don't leave me."

Is it just me or would other people find it funny too? If you don't, it's not important.. just simply only.

when context and time and place matters

"rest assured
that u dont look anywhere near happy
that is a compliment"

^_-

good morning

"..Hello, I've just got to let you know
'Cause I wonder where you are
And I wonder what you do
Are you somewhere feeling lonely, or is someone loving you?
Tell me how to win your heart
For I haven't got a clue
But let me start by saying, I love you ... "

bits of one of the songs from the recital

"..God knows it's easy to hide,
From the things that you feel
And harder to blindly trust
What you can't understand
God knows it's easy to run,
From the people you love
And harder to stand and fight
For the things you believe.."

stolen from WWL (she already googled it)

History

There are certain lessons to be learnt from history.
How wars are lost
How wars are won

Why a civilization fell,
how doing something right can be the best thing you ever did

If you can't learn from the past then you're doomed to forever repeat your mistakes.
How I will never lend a certain someone money because they start coming up with all sort of excuses how they can't pay you
How I will never expect anything from certain people because those expectations would be unreasonable and unattainable by their standards
How I will not draw/imagine patterns where there are none.

Those are the lessons you learn amongst others.
So who says history isn't important?
;)

Oh you make me smile

"You make me smile like the sun
Fall out of bed, sing like a bird
Dizzy in my head, spin like a record
Crazy on a Sunday night
You make me dance like a fool
Forget how to breathe
Shine like gold, buzz like a bee
Just the thought of you can drive me wild
Ohh, you make me smile"

童话

sometimes, dreams are just meant to be just that.

Dreams.

finito

The ending's already written.
I know it deep down inside.
But still I try to eke what I can out of it.
To try and temper the bitter.

The difference..

between hope and wish

I hope for something..
and I wish for something..

Feel the difference?

i.e.
I wish but I don't hope.

that familiar feeling..

of being ignored.

you're like an old friend.
I know you well.

ah

ok

As honest as honest does

As another year draws to a close,

I've come to the realisation that I feel older now.. much more than that can be explained by mere age alone.

It's probably the fact that as we grow older, we tend to be less honest with ourselves, with the world around us.


e.g.

I'm lazy yet I push myself to work.. that's a struggle in itself
I'm trying to hold my tongue when my first urge would be to just blurt it out
I wrestle with my conscience to do the right thing
I struggle with my impatience when things just won't proceed as planned
I curb my inherent pushiness in an effort to get along

Every action is deliberate, each one of them an effort in itself.
I'm tired...

Common denominator seems to be "I".
but then it IS all about me.
AND it doesn't have to make sense.

gah

i need a new word
frustration isn't quite cutting the mustard.

I think I tore almost everyone on both sides a new one because they were all so fucking lax.
I hate, ABSOLUTELY HATE a lack of intensity. People who do things half assed can go kill themselves in some jungle somewhere.

and please
not everything is about you. I function without you, you realise.
geez.

random

has anyone ever wondered why settling and settling down uses the same root word?

today

i am happy.

Even if this happiness is transient in nature, I'm satisfied.

therefore,
I am happy.